Serendipity,
and Reflections Upon Life:
COMMENTARY
ABOUT DABNEY AND JIRAYR ZORTHIAN,
Altadena’s
most eclectic couple
[Nyerges
is a naturalist and outdoor educator. He is the author of “Extreme Simplicity,”
“Self-Sufficient Home,” “Foraging California,” and other books. He can be
reached at www.SchoolofSelf-Reliance.com].
It was just one of those days. I had a few hours
before my next appointment, and I was driving towards the direction of home and
there was the cemetery where my parents had been buried. I hadn’t said “hello”
for some months, so I pulled in and began looking for the spot. Right away things looked a little different.
A road had actually been removed and it was the road that took me right to
their tombstone. So I had to drive a
little further away, as I was a bit disconcerted. And a movie was being made with the various
lights and crew, a distraction from my inner communion with my parents.
Still, after some guesswork and wandering, I found the
tombstone and kneeled before them to chat a bit. As usual, I just shared some
news and thoughts that were swirling in my mind. My mother seemed to respond
first, as if she was more alert. Conversation ensued. My father slowly awoke, and passively joined
the conversation. Was this all in my
mind? Who cares? It was real enough to me, to be there with my memories of
them, to feel their presence, to listen to what I think they would have said.
I sprinkled some sage on their stones, and then I
walked back erratically to my car, always amazed at the diversity of tombstones
and messages over such a long period of time.
I understood the solitude, and the sacredness, of the cemetery, this
place of timelessness where the dead and the living meet. Regardless of whatever hurly-burley is
happening in my life, in the cemetery I realize that the physical life has its
limits, and will one day end.
THE ZORTHIAN TOMBSTONE
Nearly to my car, I happened upon the tombstone of two
old friends, Dabney and Jirayr Zorthian.
I knew Dabney much better, for she often attended my field trips and we
would have long conversations after Jirayr died. I knew Jirayr most through his reputation,
and from our many phone conversations.
Why had I happened upon their grave this day?
For those of you unfamiliar with the Zorthian family,
Mr. Zorthian had long been considered the most famous eccentric artist of
Altadena, and the parties held at their sprawling foothill property were
legendary. Everyone has a story about
the Zorthians.
The “last words” engraved next to Dabney’s name were
“I want to know.” What a perfect thing
to express! I want to know. She didn’t state that she wanted to know a
specific this or that, just that she
wanted to Know! The quest for knowledge,
and the drive to do more and try more, was such a signature of Dabney’s. In our conversations, she often asked many
questions, always listened sincerely, truly trying to learn and to know. Our conversations seemed like true communing,
unlike so many of today’s conversations where one party is not listening and is
just waiting for the talker to stop so they can say what they are waiting to
say.
Jirayr’s tombstone said “Make my heart my mind.”
Beautiful! I took that to mean that
Jirayr’s quest was to think with feeling in all that he does. Even though most of my interactions were
somewhat commercial and mundane, I found him to be a creative thinker, thinking
outside of the box and finding creative solutions to problems.
His tombstone carried a second phrase also: “Give me a
pleasureful life.” Indeed! Jirayr didn’t
wait for someone to give him such a life, but he pursued pleasure in his art
and parties and interactions with other. I don’t believe that he experienced
any shortage of pleasures.
Though I doubt anyone would ever inscribe a phrase
about pleasure on my tombstone, the fact is that I’m not Jirayr, and it did
seem appropriate for him. As I stared at
the phrase, it made me think of all the pros and cons of pursuing pleasure, the
excesses of pleasure, but also the simple pleasures of life which money cannot
buy.
As I sprinkled some sage on their tombstone, I felt
blessed to have had some interaction with one of Altadena’s most unique and
eclectic couples. And I could not help
but feel the shortness of life, that one should never wait in the pursuit of
knowledge, that one should pursue new knowledge with every breath, and that one
should also do so by allowing the heart to be the mind. In death, Dabney and Jirayr imparted their
final lessons to me, and it made me again acknowledge that they indeed had a
most wonderful life.
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